A Funny Story About Sex

With the surfacing of some absolutely amazing Zipperface pictures, my wrap-up piece for the show will be surfacing here soon as well. Like today soon.

But first, before I forget, here's a charming little story:

A couple of weeks ago, Rachel Fee (director of Hair) asked me to appear in "The Panel of Shameless Guys" at the 2nd annual Waiting to Sexhale shindig. Of course, these words meant nothing to me, so I asked her to explain.
Turns out, Waiting to Sexhale is a little program they do at the all-female Henderson dorm on Douglass that's all about getting honest, non-biased or judgemental sex information to the girls who reside there. One of the centerpieces of the night is a panel of guys (a "manel") who have to ask any question the girls ask as candidly and truthfully as they can.

Rachel, assuming that since I'd done full frontal for a musical, I'd probably answer personal questions for a sex panel. She was right. I was sold from the instant I saw the Facebook ad and I was sold again the instant she mentioned free pizza and t-shirts.
However, I didn't want to do it alone, so I told Greg Bing and Matt Herron to get involved as well and the three of us made up three fifths of the panel (the other two being a fourth guy and a female sex expert).

Sam wanted to come but Rachel said it would probably be best if she didn't. Being the honest boyfriend that I am, I relayed this message as Rachel saying she had banned all girlfriends from the premises. Sure, I wasn't telling the whole truth, but I'm pretty sure Sam agrees that neither of us want her to be around while I'm in the position to be discussing intimate details of my sex life both past and present. I did feel kind of bad when Matt brought Emma, however.

Anyway, the panel was hilarious. They gave us the rules while the girls were waiting outside reading sex facts (Does anyone really believe that "guys think about sex every six seconds" bullshit? It sounds like a bad stand-up joke that's been around so long it's begun being passed off as fact). Once we were in there, the questions were a lot less embarrassing than I'd imagined. After the first one ("How often do you masturbate?" courtesy of Crystal), the questions seemed much more about the girls than about us (IE. "Do you mind when a girl...? "Is it a turn off if...? etc.).

I should have expected that. It was a typical male expectation on my part that this thing would be some kind of brag-a-thon for the four of us.

Anyway, the reason I'm writing about all of this is to preserve one fantastic one-liner. The whole time we were all joking around, but the best joke belongs entirely to Matt.

Midway, some girl raises her hands and asks, "Can a guy tell if a girl fakes an orgasm?"

Suddenly all the girls started positively bubbling with pride over their climax conning abilities. It was the nearest the panel got to being some kind of verbal battle of the sexes (like a Neil LaBute play). Fortunately, Matt was able to shut them all up.

He looked the girl in the eye and says, "Can you tell when a guy fakes liking you?"

Brilliant.



PS. Oh, in other news, I'm going to appear in the CAP Stand-Up show tomorrow night at the Red Lion Cafe at 10 pm. It'll be my second time doing stand-up ever and again I'm fairly nervous. Feel free to check it out.