Friday, September 5, 2008

Taking a Breather

What the fuck happened to my blog?
I go to work for two weeks and everything just stops moving. It's almost like I'm the only one doing anything around here.

Anyway, I haven't gotten to sleep in forever and it's starting to take its toll (I have no idea what happened in my class this morning. I think it had something to do with theater though), so now, I'm gonna take my only chance and run with it. And by "run" I mean "lie down motionless for at least three hours".

Sometime this weekend I plan on actually writing some stuff on here (maybe even getting up this month's playlist since the one currently on here is two months old). Until then, enjoy this great clip from the late night Comedy Central show I don't currently work for:

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Assimilation Complete

I haven't posted in a while but I'll make up for it with this: it's a video for the psychedelic band Zombie Zombie that uses stop motion to remake John Carpenter's great The Thing (which I just happened to rewatch two days ago) with GI Joe figures.
As a lover of The Thing, stop motion, and action figures, I can say it's pretty rocking.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Today is Your Last Chance to See America 20XX


This is it, ladies and gentlemen. There is only one more performance of America 20XX before it vanishes into the ether. If you're not sitting in the Players Theatre today (Monday the 18th) at 6 PM, you'll have missed it, brother.

To entice you further, I can post a link to another review we got which described Greg and my performances as "straight-faced and fantastic". It's for Theater Talks and is by a critic named Ellen Wernecke who went so far as listing our show as her "Biggest Surprise" of the first week of the festival on her Tumblr. She gets extra points because she's a book critic for the The A.V. Club.
Yeah, that's right, people from my favorite site liked our play.
Read her review here.

And, to keep this blog even-handed I'll link to a mediocre review we got as well. They described the performances as "energetic and well-intentioned but lackluster". Thanks.
Enjoy that review here.

Anyway, get the fuck out and see America 20XX!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Only a Few More Chances!


For all those people out there who have yet to see America 20XX, your chances are running out!
There are only three more performances to see myself and others in Cyriaque's deranged dose of Poli-Sci-Fi (I stole that phrase from the Time Out review...).
The three performances are tonight, tomorrow night (crazy late night show!), and Monday. All the information can be found on the show's website here.

In the mean time, check out this interview Cyriaque did for the official FringeNYC podcast. It's pretty funny and you'll learn a lot about the show. You can listen to it here. Cyriaque comes on around the 23 minute mark.


So get your ass to the city because I'm starring in a Goddamned Off-Broadway show and you need to see it!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

New Sorrow Hill Trailer!

I haven't had a chance to talk about Sorrow Hill, which I wrapped on a week and a half ago because I've been so busy with America 20XX (only three more performances! Go see it! Go see it!). I plan on doing a big write-up of the experience eventually but, until then, I'll just point you to the Grindhouse Pictures website, where Ron has posted a brand new trailer!
There's a great shot of me in there but, since I know that that's not getting anyone to click any links, I will also say that there are quite a few shots of our female lead (former Hijinks member, Nicole) in her underwear!

Enjoy!

ps. Holy shit, this is my 100th post on this blog! Yay me!

Two Shows and Two Wildly Different Reviews In...

Well, as that picture proves, I have starred in an Off-Broadway play that went all the way through. That's right, we have now completed our first weekend of America 20XX and it was some of the most fun I ever had.

Right after I wrote the last post here I took a shower to get ready for opening night and I realized something: I was genuinely terrified about this. I think it all has to do with the fact that this was entirely different than everything I've ever done. We performed this in an actual theater in New York in the middle of Greenwich Village and that meant that the audience wasn't just gonna be our friends this time. No, we were going to be performing for impossible to please NY Hipsters and Bitchy Theater Queers.
And let me tell you, that shit it scary.

But we did it. We performed for paying customers. How crazy is that?

The Reviews
One thing that makes this show different from all the shows I've done in the past is the fact that there are actually people in the audience there to review us. So far we've had four critics come, two of them have posted their reviews and man, are these reviews wild. One is too good to be true and the other is quite possibly the worst review I've ever read for anything. To show you how different they are, I will post two quotes back to back.

"The beginning of the show made me laugh until I cried"
"America 20XX isn’t inspiring - just embarrassing."

Yep, that's some difference of opinion. Fortunately the good review came from a much more reputable site (Time Out) but unfortunately, the bad review is jut insanely bad. I have no problem linking to it here because the guy clearly just didn't get the show. And I'm not saying there really is anything to get. And I think that's the point. The guy just seems to hate us personally and especially the fact that we're college students (something he brings up multiple times for some reason which is especially weird considering only three out of seven of us are).

Anyway, you should read both reviews because the bad one is hilarious (I personally will be using the phrase "and the posing, prancing, and declaiming that pass for acting" all the time!) and because the good one will hopefully get you in the seats.

Remember, there are only three more shows left before America 20XX is over and I hate you forever!

If that doesn't get you to come, maybe this picture will:


PS. I haven't gotten around to posting my August playlist yet so I might just wait till next month. Sorry.
PPS. Support America 20XX cast members in their other endeavors! Dave's got a new video on Heavy.com. This one lists the Top 10 Gayest Action Movies. His bosses really give him some interesting assignments, don't they?

Friday, August 8, 2008

America 20XX is TODAY!

The date is finally here, everyone! In just a few short hours America 20XX, the play written and directed by Cyriaque Lamar and starring members of Wacky Hijinks will premiere.

Is it good? Well, we got the primetime 7:30 pm slot on opening night of the 2008 New York Fringe Festival, so it damn well better be good.

The whole thing's really exciting. Not only do we get to be a part of this amazing festival and meet all the cool people involved (and hit up the parties...), we also get to perform in an honest to God Off-Broadway theater! Come tomorrow, I can say without fear or repercussion that I have starred in an Off-Broadway play. That's just bad ass.

We finally got to go to the actual venue last Monday and it really is perfect. It's one of the best venues in the entire festival (out of the 18 involved). It's literally right on the edge of Washington Square Park in this real trendy area so we're sure to get a lot of walk-in audience members. And we may get even more with some of the publicity we've got coming up.
Cyriaque did an interview today which will go on the Fringe Podcast (I'll link to it when it's up) and they told him that some of the Media Passes have already been reserved for our show which is absolutely terrifying. I've never before been reviewed by anyone except my parents.

I've gotta keep my mind off that stuff though or I'll freak myself out. So, instead, I'll think about this awesome sketch. Here it is with the picture it was based on:


The drawing was done by Dan Pillis for the show's program. He's the guy who did the great drawing of the publicity photo which I posted a while back. He made sketches of all us and you can see them at the site or, even better, when you get your program at the door.

So yeah, get the fuck out and see America 20XX at some point over the next couple of weeks. You can buy your tickets online for added ease and if you're extra nice, you might even get to come out for drinks with us afterwards!

Anywho, I'll leave you with this tantalizing teaser: if you come to America 20XX, you'll get all the extreme political science fiction you crave, and you'll even get to find out what scene this song is in:





God, why don't today's music videos have as many nipples as that one?

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Deplorable Bathroom Habits

A while ago at work I got up from my desk to go to the bathroom (which is, of course, the single most promising way to start a story).
When I got down the hall, I saw the door closing in front of me and instantly let out a long sigh of anguish when I realized someone had just entered.
As anyone who has ever worked a day in their life knows, one needs a kind of getaway spot where you can go and just do...nothing. Everyone also knows, I'm sure, that the bathroom is the most obvious example of said oasis.
For me, it's perfect. I can just sit in there for 10 minutes staring blankly at the wall. It's much more relaxing than the other seven hours and 50 minutes of the day which I spend doing the exhausting task of staring blankly at a computer screen. However, all of this is ruined if there's someone else in the room as well. When I'm alone, the bathroom is an idyllic escape consisting of pristine white marble and flowing water. When there's someone else, it's just a room where I have to listen to other people urinate.
This is why I sighed in anguish.
So, I already had some feelings of animosity towards the intruder but this guy just went out of his way to ruin my prescious bathroom paradise.

First off, the guy was in the middle of three stalls. That's unnecessary off the bat.
The other two were empty, dude. I don't want to be right next to you if I don't have to.

Second, he was peeing in the stall. Like just peeing. Like standing up peeing.
Whoa, what's with that, man? The only dudes who pee in the stall are weirdos and guys with freak dicks.

And finally, the biggest dick move of all, this slimy skunk was peeing, standing up, with his legs spread akimbo so that his feet stuck into both of the other stalls. And he was wearing motherfucking flip flops!
Okay, buddy, that's too far. Now, not only was I stuck next to this douchebag, but I had to stare at his dirty fucking toes.

Some of you are probably wondering why I care so much. Some of you are probably wondering why I wrote a whole post about this. And some of you are probably angry that I put the image of a dirty men's toilet in your minds. Well, the thing is, I want to change the world for the better and my hope is that this bathroom misuser, whoever he is (he was new and I didn't know him) will someday read this blog.
So, to the future iteration of that jackass, I say to you this:
FOR SHAME. FOR SHAME.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Poor, Poor Porn Star

For those of you who don't know, I live in a house with 11 other guys and, I'm sorry to say, it is a veritable den of inequity. I say this because I don't want you gentle readers to be too shocked when I tell you that we once had a house subscription to an online porn site. It's a painful admission but it's one I must make for you to enjoy this e-mail I'm about to post.
You see, we let our subscription lapse and apparently that made Naughty America really sad. They let their sense of betrayal known with this heartfelt message:

Samuel, I know you let your membership lapse recently, and, don't worry there's no hard feelings. But things will get hard if you renew. And I mean hard in a good way.

Audrey Bitoni, who is one of the most beautiful women to ever grace a Naughty America shoot, has just made a riviting scene for I Have A Wife. That's our newest site and features hot young hussies like Audrey attempting to get in the pants of married men (with great success, I might add).

She says she put in an extra special sexy surprise just for you, and was very sad when I told her you let the membership expire.

It wasn't a pretty sight (even though Audrey is very pretty -- and very hot), and she insisted I do whatever it takes to get you to re-up the membership pronto.

So help a brother out and sign up again to watch Audrey's scene. You'll get access to all the hot sites, including I Have A Wife, our new threesome site, 2 Chicks Same Time, and Naughty America Live, which gives fans the chance to ask probing questions
to actresses who are busy probing themselves.

It works out three ways: Audrey will be so happy you've returned, you'll get the joys that come with being a Naughty America member, and I avoid being slapped silly by a heartbroken celebrity.


Oh, that poor girl. We're still not going to resubscribe. Hopefully that doesn't mean that we can expect our in-boxes to soon be filled with sad porn star poetry.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Notes from My Morning Commute

Drove by the movie theater on the way to work this morning and they were advertising a bunch of screenings on their big LCD screen. One of them was last night's Mummy 3 midnight show.
Man, that must have been the loneliest sceening ever. Seriously, was there anyone out there thinking, "Oh my God! I just can't wait a few more hours! The mummies are Asian in this one!"

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Happy Morning!

When I was getting dressed this morning, I thought I put on my pants that don't need a belt but I actually put on my pants that do need a belt. Now I have to keep pulling my pants up every few minutes.
Ugh! My life is so hard!

In other news: Bombers and Ethnic Clashes Kill 61 in Iraq.


Angst In My Pants - Sparks

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The Power Patriots in "The Right (Invisible) Hand of Doom!"

A few weeks ago I wrote about the video sketch we filmed as a trailer for America 20XX (which opens in a week and a day, motherfuckers!) and now you're all lucky enough to be able to see it!
Even better, it looks fucking awesome (special props to Dave on the editing). So enjoy!



Of course, I didn't even need to post this video since you've all already bought your tickets online at Ticket Web, right? And you've all been checking the website religiously, right? And you all know that the show dates are as follows, right?

Friday 8/8 @ 7:30
Sunday 8/10 @ 3:00
Thursday 8/14 @ 9:45
Friday 8/15 @ 11:45
Monday 8/18 @ 6:00
(All shows are PM)


Good. Just making sure.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Random Comic Fun!

This is yesterday's Mary Worth. Read it:


Recognise those lyrics? It took me a minute. Here's a hint:

Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova


That's right, Mary Worth, the Sunday's snooty sepuagenarian is at a Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova concert. Sure, it's some kind of bizarro Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova who dress like late 50s folk singers instead of the mid 00s folk singers they are, but still.
Weird.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Hey, My Friend's a Good Person

Zach and the rest of the Good Works Tour appeared on NBC 29 tonight. You can watch the video here. I was going to embed the thing but it's set on this horrible auto launch function which would have made my blog like a bad Myspace page.



If watching this makes you feel lazy, selfish, or lame, you're in good company. It made me feel all of the above! Here is one of my good friends being championed on network news for his selfless actions; being pointed to as a shining example of something good and pure amidst all the detritus that is our modern society.
Meanwhile, I'm sitting in my pyjamas, watching it on an internet video, and thinking about how the reporter's kind of cute (even though she seems to struggle with the teleprompter).
Sigh.

Lets All Buy Our Tickets Now!

How awesome is this picture?



Anywho, that was done by a guy named Dan Pillis and it seems like the best way to get your attention for these: THE AMERICA 20XX SHOW DATES (with added commentary from writer/director Cyriaque!


Friday 8/8 @ 7:30 - The opening night of the festival!
Sunday 8/10 @ 3:00 - The Sunday matinee!
Thursday 8/14 @ 9:45 - Thursday is the new Friday!
Friday 8/15 @ 11:45 - Barhoppers delight!
Monday 8/18 @ 6:00 - The worst time! Thank God it's last!


Now, if we all remember the last few updates, the show will be held at The Players Theatre @ 115 MacDougal Street in NYC and you can buy your tickets at the Fringe website.


Anyway, if that drawing was a good way to bring you into this post, here's a good way to bring you out: our awesome poster!


ps. I can't believe I typed up that dream post last night? I think the fact that transcribing a nightmare for the internet comforted me says more about my generation than a thousand thesis papers combined.

Waking Up Screaming

I just had this terrible dream and now I can't get back to sleep. The thing was incredibly vivid. It was like a fucking Stephen King short story.
Here's what I remember:

I was a little child in about middle school. Every day I would get held after for detention. However, the kids at detention all looked up to me. And Sam was there. And she and I and all the other kids would hang out every day and tell ghost stories about these kids who got stuck at this horrible run down train station.

But I wasn't happy. All the kids there were younger than me and my parents kept yelling at me to grow up and get a job. So one day I made sure I didn't have to go to detention. But when I found my parents, they said they still weren't happy with me. I had taken too long and now they had to do the job I was supposed to do forever and it was humiliating.

So I went back to the school and peeked in on the kids. However, when I looked in, I saw Sam there with another boy. They were walking around smiling and holding hands. They and all the other children started walking towards the door I was at but I ran away before they could see me.

I wandered through the town until I found a big fountain. I went to sit by it. I reached my hand in when suddenly a fish jumped out at me. At the same time, a religious man was walking by. He told me he was very sorry but the fish was a bad omen and something very bad was going to happen to me. However, he asked if I liked movies and, when I said yes, he told me he had an old fashioned video store and it would make up for it.

I went there and the video store was great and they had this amazing horror section with all these classic movies. He asked me if I liked scary movies and I said yes and we began to talk about all my favorites. Then I started to get a little creeped out. I was getting the feeling that this man was...testing me. As if he didn't really like these movies and was just seeing if I was "bad" enough or something. He then said he had a special movie if I was interested. It had a really creepy title and it gradually became clear that it was actually a snuff film. I said politely that I wasn't interested and ran out.

I tried to run back to the school but I went back a different way through the town so I wouldn't see the man again. I decided to call Sam and warn her about him even though I was still mad at her. She didn't answer though. Suddenly I realized I was lost. I was in a creepy old train station and there was grafitti on the walls of the names of all the children from our ghost stories.
Then I heard something. Something coming down the tracks.

Man, that was a fucked up dream.

I've been having weird dreams all week. Sam said she is too. Unfortunately, the past two nights they've been weird/terrifying. I preferred the ones at the beginning of the week when they were weird and involved me being propositioned by Amy Adams.


Yikes, for all you Freud fans out there, I think this post may say more about me than any other in my purposely impersonal blog. I probably shouldn't be telling everyone that I have nightmares about video stores and non-nightmares about Amy Adams...

Monday, July 21, 2008

Heavy Video Fun

Yesterday, half of the cast of America 20XX got together and did some filming. First we made a video sketch in which I play a crazed plumber fighting a killer toilet plant (There's an explanation. I'll give it when the thing's finished) and then we filmed a trailer for the play. Both were a ton of fun (except when I had to get back in my crazy plumber costume to re-film scenes we accidentally taped over) and made us kick ourselves that we'd been too lazy to ever really make us before.
As Dave reversed the shot of a plastic bag being pulled off my head so that it looked like the bag was both sentient and vicious, Greg looked back and said, "Man, this is much more fun than putting these damn things on stage."

The best part about it is people are actually going to see them. With Dave's plum job at Heavy.com, these videos could be seen by tens of thousands of people in a day. Dave's first video (the one I posted a few days ago) did and that can't all be the famous Rothstadt marketing (see: Zipperface).

One video that I worked on is already up. This thing was already in rough cut form in about an hour (from conception to .avi). It was after rehearsal and we were all getting drunk at Dave and Greg's and Dave and I sat down during everyone else's smoke break and popped this out.

More videos from the "Contagious" channel at Heavy.com

Cheap joke? Very much so. But again: made in an hour (just look at that ultra quick photoshopping!)
Anyway, like it or not, you all better vote five stars on this shit and link it to you friends. Give us a lot of comments too! Or I'll hate you.

Same goes for Dave's second video list on the site (with a cameo by Greg!):

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Some Random Thoughts

  • I have an air conditioner now! Last night, Sam and I slept with a cover. A cover!!!
  • At work yesterday, I was passed along this article about Andrew Lloyd Webber's sequel to his "classic" Phantom of the Opera. Not only will it feature the ridiculous title "Phantom: Once Upon Another Place" it will also have 100% more robot fucking.
    My guess is he's just ripping off Zipperface...
  • The Emmy nominations are up and The Wire, y'know, the greatest American drama in the history of television, got one nomination in its final year. One! That means that it will have only recieved two nominations in its entire run. I'm used to shows I love not getting respect from the retarded Academy (Kristen Bell, if only they had a category for Most Adorable...) but The Wire is different. To not nominate a show that good, is to ruin the relevence of the entire awards. Oh, but thank God they remembered to nominate Entourage, a show that hasn't featured a decent episode in three years.
    As TV critic Alan Sepinwal noted, According to Jim got its third nomination this year. According to Jim is officially "better" than The Wire.

Way Down In The Hole - Tom Waits

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Snakes on the Plate!

Went to the Phillies game today with Rusty and Erica. A fun time was had by all and not just because it ended up being a win for the Phillies over the Arizona Diamondbacks.
We covered ourselves in suntan lotion, drank $7 beers and had long conversations about which player had chosen the best song to be played before his at bat. Soon we were talking about which song we would choose were we somehow talented, lucky, and (in Erica's case) man enough to be a professional baseball player. I decided that I would definitely choose a song that was incredibly inappropriate, either for my personality or for the context.
I ended up choosing the combination of R Kelly's "World's Greatest":
The Worlds Greatest - R Kelly

And the theme song for the Andy Griffith show:
andy griffith - Theme Songs

Eventually Rusty pointed out that the mere fact that we had spent so much effort thinking about this is proof positive that we will never ever be professional athletes.

The most fun part of the day, however, was the fact that we were sitting behind one of the only groups of Arizona fans in the stadium. It was a cute family complete with three very young children, but that didn't stop the Philadelphia fans from giving them their due punishment (although they didn't get it nearly as bad as some Yankees fan who wandered in).
It probably didn't help that the Diamondbackers (I don't care enough to look up what Arizona fans actually call themselves) had brought along this incredibly annoying noisemaker that they shook after every play. It was some official Diamondback merchandise and was shaped like a giant rattlesnake's rattle and made the sound when shook that said snake makes when startled.
It made me wonder: if lots of Arizona fans have those and one day an actual rattlesnake got loose in the stadium, how many people would die before anyone noticed?

Contemplating My Mortality (Yay!)

Is it part of the human condition that once you hit a certain age, no matter how young you actually are, you feel really old? Or is it just me?
The other day we were wandering the bars celebrating Dave's 21st and, as everyone shouted their "happy birthdays", I felt like saying,"Hooray, we're all gonna die soon". Granted I'd had a few at that point, but it is how I feel. I have absolutely no business being 21. I definitely shouldn't be about to graduate from college. However, if that's really how old I am, then who's to say I'm not going to drop off tomorrow? That's how it feels at least.
A lot of this thinking definitely comes from the fact that my body has already started giving up on me. I think I spent 20 years growing up only to skip over my physical peak and head straight into gradual deterioration. My complete lack of muscle mass and receding hairline stare at me every morning forcing me to admit the truth. Sure, I'm not a kid any more, but now I'm a fucking adult.

Tonight I went to a party in my hometown which is always the worst idea if you're having existential crises about your age. First person to talk to me was a girl I went to high school with.
"Hi, Jon," she said.
"Oh, hey, Katie," I replied.
She looked at me for a second. Then she took a sip of her beer and corrected me. "Katie's my older sister."

God, I'm old.

Mothers Little Helper - The Rolling Stones

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

You Can Plug for Your Friends, They Can Plug for You, But You Can't Plug Your Friends

Hey, a bunch of my friends have done cool things on the interweb recently. Let's check in!

1. Good Works Tour - My friend Zach (you may know him from all the posts I wrote about how ridiculously talented Zach is) is going on a road trip with some friends. Cool enough but they decided to go one step cooler. In their words:

Three childhood friends, James Introcaso, Zach Wiseley and Tim Urian, are setting out to make a documentary – a documentary about people who help people. Fresh out of college, these three idealistic young men want to see who volunteers in America and why, while getting a chance to experience what our country is like first hand. From Habitat for Humanity to intercity soup kitchens, they will interview the dedicated souls who donate their time to help in their communities, and will provide vignettes of extraordinary unsung heroes. However, they don’t want to just observe. At every site they visit, they will get their hands dirty volunteering, as well as actively pursuing random acts of kindness while on the road.

Right on. The site I linked to above is their homepage which is mostly for donations. All video clips and updates can be found at their blog here.


2. Getting Super - This has been in my Blog Roll forever but I don't think I've ever officially mentioned it, so here goes. A bunch of my friends created this site as an exercise blog. However, since exercising is inherently boring, they spiced it up by making it a superhero themed challenge. Each month they will try to fix their college-addled bodies through exercises focussed around a certain superhero. The first month's hero was Captain America and the month's winner on the blog was Matt (who goes by Captain Dangerous). If you head over there now you can see my cameo as I help Matt reenact Cap's first cover.


Why'd they choose me? Because I was the only one willing to put on a Hitler moustache, of course.


3. Dave got himself a plum job over at humor site Heavy.com editing together videos of a humorous variety. For his first job, his boss had two words for him: Chuck Norris. In return, Dave gave him the following video. Now I'm giving it to you and in return, you can pass it to your friends and you can vote 5 Stars like 3000 times.

So, that's some fun stuff. Click away and make my friends (and by default, me) very happy!

Saturday, July 5, 2008

War at its Absolute Funnest!

My friends and I are mega cool.

A couple weeks ago, Greg decided he wanted to play laser tag. You know, laser tag, that thing that ruled for like three birthday parties in elementary school? Yeah, laser tag.
So, he went to Toys R Us and picked up a $50 pack of two guns. He then other people to do the same.

I like stupid fun, so last week Greg, Jeff, Emma, Sam, and myself went laser tagging as a trial run. Even with just four people playing at a time, it was more awesome than I could have ever imagined. So, yesterday (the Fourth of July no less) we went all out. The group was me, Greg, Dave, Beth, Matt, Jeff, Emma, Amanda, Brent, and Megan and we went all out. Greg's roommate Dave is in the military and he gave Greg all his old stuff when they became outdated, so we were all decked out in hard core camo when we arrived on Douglass Campus to start rocking out. It was ultra-bad ass. I would say it was kind of like this:





It was so much fun that I bought Greg's extra gun from him. I mean, look how awesome it is:































I mean, sure that sight on the top is completely unusable and only makes things blurry, but that's not the point. The point is that it's there and that it looks amazing. Hell, this thing doesn't just have one unusable sight. It has three!

There are a few especially awesome moments that I want to share (not including the parts where Greg, Matt, and my team won like every match we were in):

  1. The time during the first excursion where I thought I saw Greg and Sam only to discover it was a nice couple out on a date (we were playing by Passion Puddle, the lake on Douglass). I quickly stopped shooting and snuck away before they saw me. I could only imagine how they would react if they had. Picture it: you're chilling on a bench outside at night and suddenly you see a dark figure crawling towards you on the ground aiming a gun at you. That would have been bad. The entire time our worst fear was that the cops would come, see us, and just open fire.
  2. The time the cops did come. Yes, at the end of our game yesterday night, a cop car pulled up and shined his light on us, revealing a group of camo wearing idiots with guns looking like so much Al Queda training camp. We quickly showed him that our "guns" were plastic and neon colors. "Ah, laser tag. Is that what we're playing tonight?" is what his mouth said. His eyes said, "Fuck you all. Why am I driving around on the Fourth of July dealing with douche bags playing laser tag when I should be drunk?"
  3. However, my favorite part of it all came during our trial game when I found myself lying in the mud, covered in sweat, wearing camoflage pants, and shooting invisible lasers like my life depended on it. It was at this moment that a realization struck me: I am a 21 year old grown man lying in the mud, covered in sweat, wearing camoflage pants, and shooting invisible lasers like my life depended on it.

My friends and I are mega cool.

America 20XX Preview on NYTheatre.com

Just what the title says. The website, dedicated to all things, well, involving theater in New York, has posted previews of all the shows from this year's Fringe Festival including our very own America 20XX!
Check it out here and remember, you know the site is prestigious because they spell it "theatre".*

And now, because we have the word "America" in the title, here are some one-day-late Fourth of July multimedia goodies:


God Bless The USA - Lee Greenwood



4th Of July, Asbury Park (Sandy) - Bruce Springsteen





* In my first week of working at McCarter, I asked if there was a rule for when they use "theater" and "theatre" since they had literature using both. I was told that the general McCarter rule involved using the "re" whenever dealing with a proper noun like the name of a specific building. So, in theory, I could have a sentence saying, "I went to the Jon Bershad Theatre and performed some theater."
Fascinating? I thought so.

Friday, July 4, 2008

"Love" is a Bit Strong, But I Definitely "Like Like" Mandy Lane

So I watched All the Boys Love Mandy Lane just now. Having said that, half of the people reading this are wondering "How the hell'd you see it?!" while the other half are wondering "What the hell is All the Boys Love Mandy Lane". Both are appropriate answers.



First off, Happy Fourth of July! Now back to the movie.

The backstory is this: back in the glory days of 2006, this little indie horror movie popped up at film festivals and started getting a bunch of good reviews and all of us horror fans with internet connections were very excited. The Weinstein's picked it up and were gonna release it more than a year ago, going as far as creating that truly awful poster above and this truly awesome trailer below.





However, something happened and the movie never got released. The Weinstein Company eventually sold it to a smaller company who, as of yet, still haven't released it in America.
So, how did I see it? Note that I just said "America". The movie's been out forever in Germany which means the internet is littered with torrents of itof both mediocre and horrible qualities.

That's right. I stole the bitch.

I did. I downloaded it illegally and now I'm admitting it online. I'm very, very sorry. How ever am I going to make amends? How about this: Everyone go see the director, Jonathan Levine's new movie The Wackness which is supposed to be very good and just opened this weekend in limited release. There. We even? Ok, moving on.

So, having seen Mandy Lane, is it worth the hype? Well, yes, but not just for the reasons I expected. The movie is absolutely beautifully shot. It basically looks like an Ambercrombie and Fitch commercial if, after all the gorgeous models stopped reclining in a field, someone came in and killed them all. And the acting is really good too. And the best part is, the script gave me a vision of high school and high school kids that I could really believe.

And the downside? Well, the movie really isn't that scary. There are tense scenes (a water moccasin is scarier than 30 dudes with knives put together) but I was never really much fear while watching it. And the reason for that is, the movie really isn't a slasher flick. It's set up like one and the advertising sold it like one (that creepy, deep voiced "I love you" in the trailer is just plain not in the movie), but in the last few minutes of the movie, it reveals itself to be something very different and much more disturbing and I believe the ending is the real reason the movie hasn't been released (even though Wikipedia says it was because of poor box office grosses for other Weinstein released horror movies).

The film begins as a loving ode to 80s horror movies and lead actress Amber Heard's body and ends as something that's gonna have problems flying in America. When the killer said he was leaving a diary at the scene of the crime for the "copycats" I said to myself, "There's your release problems right there". Scream may have pulled that shit off, but Scream was made before "killing all the cool kids" became just the trendiest thing in American schools.

So, yeah, see All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (it's supposedly finally coming out in the US in the next couple of months) because it really is a good movie and because Amber Heard is probably gonna be mega famous in the coming years because (judging by this movie) she's quite talented and more importantly because of, uh, this:


Anyway, I have another thought on the ending but it's spoilerific, so I'll put it after this great Bobby Vinton song they use in the movie.



Sealed With A Kiss - Bobby Vinton


Spoiler Section:
At the end of the movie, it's revealed that the killer isn't offing the kids because of competition for Mandy, he's actually in cahoots with her. The two of them are cooperating to kill off these popular kids and have some suicide pact. Once this happened, I started to think it was kind of tasteless. Then I stopped myself.
Why did I think it was more tasteless to have two people killing a bunch of kids with a suicide pact than just one crazy guy killing off kids?
It was totally hypocritical of me but it was my gut reaction and I'm sure it would have been the reaction a lot of people would have had had this been released stateside.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

My July Playlist

Hey, it's a new month. Look at that. Stupid quickly advancing time. Now I'm stuck contemplating my mortality. Eh...I guess I'll put up a new playlist instead.

Jons July Playlist

Some Highlights

  • There are a bunch of great songs here. The freshness of the list has a lot to do with that great A.V. Club list I linked to a while back of the best songs of the year (so far).
  • Track 13 is off Sigur Rós' (great) new album. Although everyone's written about how it's all a departure for the band, here's a nine minute track that sounds like their classic stuff from the slow build to the magical climax.
  • I did the fun "local band" thing again and added a track from another Rutgers band. This time the band is the Seal Club who, if you've been paying attention, you'll recognise as the guys who made up most of the house band for Zipperface. It's a great song and you can find it at track 7.
  • "Smell yo dick"? Hilarious.

Enjoy it everyone. I've gotta run because I'm doing some more Sorrow Hill filming tonight. Expect a write up on that...eventually.

ps. In case anyone hasn't noticed, you can listen to all of the old Playlists of the Month by clicking the "Playlists" link in the label column to the right of this page.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

America 20XX Has a Venue and a Date (and no, I'm not referring to "America" or "20XX")

Exciting news for all you cool people getting ready to see me (and probably a few other people you know) in Cyriaque Lamar's original comedy play America 20XX: FringeNYC has given us our venue and our show dates!
You can read all about it here, at the play's totally rocking official site. The short story is that we will be performing at The Players Theatre located in Greenwich Village right by Washington Square Park. Take it away, Google Maps!


View Larger Map

We'll be performing in a 180 seat theater in Greenwich Village. That's a bit of a step up from Scott Hall. Check out this picture:


Hells yeah!
Like I said, we also received showdates but I shouldn't post them until the official announcement on July 5th as they are subject to change. I hope they don't as their pretty plum times (one late night weekend show in perticular).

For those of you who missed my last post on the subject, America 20XX is a comedic post-apocalyptic one-act about the world's last superheroes, The Power Patriots. It's written and directed by CAP alum and current Cracked writer, Cyriaque Lamar and stars many current and former members of Wacky Hijinks, the sketch comedy group I'm in. It also is awesome.


Now that we have all the specifics worked out, I need to start learning these fucking lines. Cyriaque's the best director in that he keeps bringing liquor to rehearsals. And we're the worst cast in that we keep drinking it.

Keep checking america20xx.com for all news regarding the play! And, y'know, this blog.

"I Also Enjoy Making Pee-Pee in Your Coke!"

Today's Curtis:
Uh...

Monday, June 30, 2008

I Have Seen the Future and It is Adorable

God bless this tiny little robot!


I just got back from seeing WALL-E and it is absolutely amazing. It's everything you could possibly want in a movie. It's a dark satire. It's a eye-popping sci-fi extravaganza. It's a silent comedy. Hell, it's even the best date movie of the year and I'm saying that partly because it's a terrific love story and partly because you should instantly ditch any girl who doesn't like it (I already told the girlfriend she lost major points by refusing to see the opening midnight show with me. Fortunately she gained them back by being so gung ho to see The Dark Knight that she's already looking up IMAX ticket prices.)

I knew it was gonna be great. I mean, Pixar has yet to disappoint me (granted, I never saw Cars due to the Larry the Cable Guy involvement). Really, when one of their movies comes out, it's not a question of whether it will be good but rather how high it will fall on their veritable hall of fame. Now that I've seen it, I have to say, WALL-E makes its way pretty high up there.
Of course, the number one spot still belongs to Monsters Inc.

I really love Monsters Inc. I always will. I've got a book n the art behind it. I've got a talking Sully action figure I picked up at a garage sale (that really doesn't sound like John Goodman, by the way). It is so damn good that I feel no shame admitting (in a public online forum, no less) that it marks the closest I've ever come to crying in a movie theater. I mean, if this ending scene doesn't make you tear up, you are heartless:
(Spoiler Warning, obviously)





Seriously, it bums me out people don't talk about this movie more. However, when you make so many good movies like Pixar has, some are bound to get lost in the shuffle.



Down to Earth - Peter Gabriel


ps. You have to check out this great site Pixar created for the movie. It's a fake homepage for the ubiquitous corporation that runs humanity in WALL-E and it's absolutely hilarious. There's good stuff everywhere, all the way down to the Privacy Policy at the bottom.

It all (as well as a few images in the film) kind of reminds me of Mike Judge's great movie Idiocracy. However good that movie was though, Luke Wilson will never be as fun to watch as that tiny robot. And I don't even mean that as an insult!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

I Know All

You know what's one of my favorite things in the world? I love to impart obscure knowledge. And I'm not talking random obscure knowledge, the kind that makes you sound like some Rain Man-esque weirdo listing irrelevent facts. I mean obscure knowledge that fits into a conversation. The kind where, after you say it, people are like, "Dude, how the hell did he know that?".

Today at work I walked into an office to drop off some papers and caught the tail end of a conversation. All I heard was this one guy saying, "...but Rutgers has dissappointed me."
I assumed he was talking about our football team or something, so I asked him what's up. The conversation went something like this (and keep in mind I had just wandered into this office at that moment):

"How has Rutgers dissappointed you?"
"They don't have any cooking classes?"
"They don't? Well, they have Food Science classes."
"Right, but I'm looking for just a simple cooking class."
"Ah. Well, there is a cooking school in New Brunswick."
"There is?"
"Yeah. It's on top of the soup kitchen. I believe they
sometimes prepare food for the soup kitchen."
"Cool."
"Yep. The soup kitchen's called Elijah's Promise. Well, see
ya'."

It's not that anything I was saying was particularly awesome. It's just that these are incredibly obscure facts that the average person walking into the office wouldn't know. Of course, I only knew them because
  1. I go to Rutgers.
  2. A family friend was a food science major at Rutgers.
  3. I did community service at the soup kitchen.
  4. I saw the chefs in training while there.

Still, the only thing that would have made me feel better would have been if there were a couple mega hot girls in the office and, when I left, I did so by jumping on a motorcycle, donning my hot shades, and riding off into the sunset.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

A Few Quick Notes

  • The new Sigur Rós album is absolutely amazing.
  • Mansour Pourmand, the director and producer behind the original film, Zipperface, has written Dave, Andy, and I an e-mail giving us his blessing to bring Zipperface!!?!: The Hobo Musical to the next step.
  • Did you read that second bullet point?! That's fucking crazy!

Inní mér syngur vitleysingur - Sigur Rós

Sorrow Hill Filming Diary #1

Be a film actor, kids! It's glamorous!

Well, that's me in make-up for my first day of filming on Grindhouse Pictures' horror film Sorrow Hill. And here, as promised, is a little write-up of how the day went:

Anyone who's been following the film on its official production blog knows that filming on this thing has been pushed back more times than Joan Rivers' face. Ron (the director) and his crew have been hit by so many ridiculous little problems that you'd think God Himself didn't want this movie to get made (maybe he read the original script and saw the now-deleted masturbation/prayer scene). The financing was shaky for awhile, the set got vandalized, and the lead actress had to leave due to scheduling problems. The fact that we finally got to start this thing last week is a miracle and it's not one that any one's taking lightly.
Ron set up an aggressive shooting schedule to catch up on lost time and that's why I was up at 5:45 am and heading down to Atlantic City to try to get 75% of my scenes shot in one day.

I'm not a morning person. I never have been. Hell, I'd rather work from 7 at night till 7 in the morning rather than the other way around. So it's not surprising that I was a bit grumpy the night before the day of filming as I tried to get to bed hours earlier than usual. Fortunately I was going to do something I was really excited about or else I would have been downright unbearable (I'm assuming of course that I wasn't. Only the girlfriend knows for sure).
I arrived on set at around 8:20 am. It was 20 minutes after I was supposed to get there since I had mistakenly assumed that there wouldn't be much traffic at 6:30 in the morning. Everything was alright however since I had to wait anyway to get my make-up done.

Now that I've brought up the make-up, I can't say enough about how amazing it all is. Unfortunately I only have pictures of myself, but some of the stuff these two girls, Nicki and Miranda, did is so incredible. The most amazing stuff right now is what they did with John Delrosso (yes, Nicole's dad, for anyone wondering). He plays Lazarus, the main villain, and the dude is uber-creepy in the role. The only problem is that Lazarus is supposed to be 40 years older than he is. However, the girls do this amazing job on him that includes make-up, latex, and hair extensions that has to be seen to be believed.
Speaking of hair, we had the final discussion about mine. To recap, when I was cast I had a giant afro. I then buzzed it off, totally forgetting that I needed it for the movie. Ron had been flip-flopping on whether he wanted me to keep my hair short as it now was, or buzz it down again. In the end he decided just to wax it flat to my head as if my character hadn't showered in a decade and had been sleeping in a vat of rotten gelatin the entire time.
That wax (which was some ultra nasty concoction beyond that of any normal hair product) was only one part of the junk they put on me. They put make-up around my eyes to give me that special crazy look. They also covered me in this fake dirt stuff they had which went all over my costume, body, face, and even in my hair. If any of my housemates are wondering who ruined the shower, it was me, during my hour long rinsing that night.
The worst part of the make-up for me was that gunk on my teeth. It was this black wax crap (think wax lips) that I had to rub on my teeth and needed to be touched up every few takes. It's horrible stuff that made it so I had to eat my lunch like some kind of boa constrictor/horse hybrid, dropping rolled up slices of turkey meat into the back of my throat to be chewed by my wisdom teeth alone.

If you listen to the most recent episode of Ron's radio show, he and Rick (who plays my also-crazy brother) talk about how much fun the set is and how great everyone is. It really is true. Everyone is incredibly nice and fun to chill with. This includes people new to the set.
Like I said, the lead actress needed to be replaced. Nicole ended up getting bumped up to the role which was great since it meant that I got to do my big fight scene with someone I've known and worked with for a few years. However, it meant that the creepy scene I had to do would be done with an actress I'd never met before and wouldn't meet until half an hour before we filmed it.
When I got to the set, Ron introduced her to me by saying, "Leah, this is Jon. He's the one who will be molesting you." This was awkward, especially since it's the same introduction I've received before every blind date I've been on.
Fortunately Leah turned out to be as cool as everyone else and the scene wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as it could have been.
It was my first scene in the movie (both to be shot and in the actual film itself) and we started filming around 11ish.
The scene is this: Jessica (one of the unfortunate victims in the film) is strapped down to a gurney and is told by a crazy woman, Mama Jean, that she is to be the asylum's new "breeder". Mama Jean (who's played by this great actress named Michelle) then opens up a near by cage to release her two sons (Rick and myself) whom she hopes Jessica will "choose" to be her mate. This leads to a lot of creepiness involving us feeling up her legs and threatening her with a knife.

A while back, I was talking to Greg about watching the video of the first movie he was in. He talked about how he couldn't watch his death scene since it was just plain weird watching himself die. I thought at the time that that was something I wouldn't have a problem with and would actually find pretty funny to watch. However, while I wouldn't mind watching myself die in a movie, I am pretty sure that I never want to watch this scene of me molesting a girl strapped to a gurney. That's just too strange. And from the excited way Ron talks about it on the radio show, it sounds like the footage turned out pretty creepy. This is great for the movie, obviously, but I think I'm gonna be hitting the fast forward button when this thing gets finished.

One scene that I'm really excited to watch is the fight scene between myself and Nicole.
It was the last thing we shot in the day so we were all exhausted. I kept telling Sarah (one of the leads in the movie who was pulling double duty and acting as script supervisor) to either play my part for a scene or switch the script around so my character got to take a nap on the gurney instead of Leah's. However, I knew I wanted to make the scene good since it's probably my best scene in the script so I did my best to snap out of it and Nicole and I rocked the thing out. I hope it went well. It sure felt like it did. In the scene, Nicole swings a pipe at me, I throw her to the ground, she bites my nose, and then she stabs me in the foot with a sharp wooden stake. Also, this is the scene where I get to say my big "I'm gonna make you scream!" line.
Damn, it was fun to do! It's stuff like this that makes me actually want to try to be an actor when I'm out of school as well. It's the stuff like money and food that make me not want to do that.

Here's a picture of my impaled foot in the middle of make-up. Nicki busted this thing out so fast, it's incredible.

Well, it was a long, long day. I was at the set for 13 hours total and that doesn't include the hour and 45 minute rides there and back. When I got home, I pretty much passed out on Sam. I would have stayed that way had she not pointed out that I was still covered in make-up. However, the movie's shaping up great and should be a hell of a lot of fun when it's finished.

I don't have any filming this week, but when I do, I'll make sure to post about it here.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Another Random Appearance on the Internet!

I've got a lot to write about (blogs about Sorrow Hill filming and strip clubs are forthcoming) but I'm in New Brunswick right now and I don't think the girlfriend wants to watch me type for half an hour. However, I can put a fun link in here because it's time once again for one of my Random Appearances on the Internet!


The A.V. Club (the nonfictional entertainment section of The Onion) is probably my favorite website. I'm there everyday and I've linked to articles from it here on the blog a few times. So I was excited to see my name on the site.
A few weeks ago, I was incredibly bored and sent a question in to the Ask the A.V. Club feature and was happily surprised to have it answered on Friday's article. It's a really stupid question but one of those things that always bugged me. you can read it here.
I enjoy the fact that, since I wrote in with my school e-mail, my name appears in full instead of the simple "Jon" I signed with.

In other A.V. Club news, all the music reviewers on the site wrote a great article listing their favorite new songs of this year. The best part is, you can listen to all of them. I have to admit, I'm not cool enough to have heard of 75% of these bands but that meant it was realy great to check in on music that flies way under my music radar. Plus, they threw in a shout out to that amazing Frightened Rabbit song I've posted here a few times.
Here's another cool song from the list by British Sea Power:


Waving Flags - British Sea Power


A few of the songs they posted videos for instead of just the track. I loved seeing that great Kate Nash video again because potty mouthed British girls singing cute pop songs are adorable. Even better though, this video for Flight of the Conchords:




It's funny that they're making videos for the album since their TV show was mostly videos for the same songs.


And finally, another music tidbit. I've never been as huge a Girl Talk fan as a bunch of my friends. It's mostly because I'm a little hot and cold on the whole sampling thing. However, he released his new album with the same "pay whatever you want to download" thing as Radiohead and I think it's a fascinating idea. You can pay (or not) here.
Also, the first track is rocking:


Play Your Part (Pt. 1) - Girl Talk

Monday, June 16, 2008

Putting the "Music" in "Zipperface!!?!: The Hobo Musical" (plus a rather exciting announcement)

A month or so ago I went to New York to interview for an internship with the Colbert Report in the fall. It's was an absolutely massive long shot. Like Eugene O'Neill stage directions long. So I decided not to write anything about it here since I didn't want to jinx myself and I also didn't want to spend months telling everyone who had read the post that I eventually didn't get it.
But I got it.


Yay, hooray for me. I'm awesome, I know. But, yeah, this fall I will be spending three days a week trying to bring Stephen Colbert coffee without accidentally making direct eye contact. It's easily the coolest thing that's happened to me in years. However, I'm going to my best not to get too excited about it since the amount of joy and excitement I feel about something is directly related to the amount of ways it will fall apart right in front of my eyes.

So, to keep from thinking about it, I've been thinking about other cool things Like the fact that the music from Zipperface, the musical I co-wrote, is online! That's right, Brent, resident CAP documenter has uploaded a bunch of songs and soundbites from the show and they're absolutely great.
Of course, let me do my paranoid creater thing and point out the deficiencies right off the bat. Unfortunately, these were taken from the worst performance so I can hear all kinds of problems. Most obviously, this was the night that the guitar was knocked over back stage and was then out of tune for Terry's song (one of my favorites in the show, dammit) so that Dave had to stop playing. Also, you can hear people stumble over lyrics and pacing a few times and somehow we lost the recording of the title song.

Oh, I'm gonna shut up. The songs sound great and it's fantastic to finally get to hear them again. Dave, Andy, and I (and I hope Zach, as well) will be giving them and the eventual video (when it's edited) our undying attention as we try to rewrite the script and bring Zipperface to the next stage. Until then, you can enjoy these as they are and you people who missed the show can kind of see what I've been talking about for the past few months (and be really fucking confused by the references to robots and dinosaurs).

So, here are a few samples.


First off, is the opening tune by a couple members of the Hobo Band:

Zipperface - 01 - Musical Intro - Zipperface

I can't say enough about how much these guys added to the show. They were made up by members of the New Brunswick band, the Seal Club and were led by Zach Wiseley. Zach is an absolute genius. He also arranged the songs and was able to make them sound like actual musical tunes. I would ask him to do ridiculous stuff like, "Hey, Zach, could you arrange a mixture of all the songs in the first act into one tune to play at the beginning of the second act?" and he'd just do it. Absolutely amazing.

Next we have Morese singing one of the best songs in the show:

Zipperface - 09 - Terry, Cop #2, Loves Lisa Rider - Zipperface

Again, this is the night with the shitty guitar. You can hear it right at the beginning. It's so depressing because I absolutely love this song. Fortunately, Morese sells the rest of it and the band sounds great otherwise so it still works. Brent included some dialogue at the end with the punchline of the song. It's a visual joke, so you people who missed the show are gonna be lost, but the rest of us can have fun reminiscing.

Unsurprisingly, I also am posting the Cuban Robot Wars medley, which Brent kept in its entirety. It may be seven and a half minutes long and utterly nonsensical to anyone who didn't see the show (and some who did) but it includes my cameo so, whatever. Plus, it's pretty damn rocking:

Zipperface - 20 - Cuban Robot Wars - Zipperface

For you people who are really confused, here's a brief explanation. I'll try my best to make it simple. The play Zipperface is narrated by a hobo. In the beginning he states that the reason he is able to create the show is because he has software implanted in his head from something he calls "the Cuban Robot Wars". The audience usually shrugs this off as just silly dialogue from a crazy character, however, in act two, the play is interrupted by the narrator having a seizure. Another hobo takes over, however, he doesn't actually know the plot of Zipperface so, when the show starts up again, the audience gets treated to an entirely different musical set during the fabled wars and starring all robots. I played the lead robot.
Understand? Eh. I tried.
In the things that go wrong category, this was the night that I started to laugh and then said "robat" instead of "robot" during my first line. Pretty embarassing to fuck up one of lines when you only have about eight. Especially if you wrote it.

And finally, the best song in the show, the Finale Song:
Zipperface - 25 - Finale Song - Zipperface
Nothing went wrong here. This song rules and it will always rule. Plus, this was the night Izzy came to see the show and she was nice enough to hoot when I came onstage to deliver my line. This makes it sound to the untrained ears like I'm some kind of super stud. If only.

If you want to listen to the rest of the songs, you can download them here:
Download: Zipperface!!?!: The Hobo Musical - Music and Soundbites
Again, it's missing the title song but there are a few well-chosen soundbites to make up for it. Like this one:

Zipperface - 23 - Soundbite - Moral of the Story - Zipperface


God, I love this show.

And, hey, I'm interning at the Colbert Report!

I'd Like to Get My Hanes On

Watching TV today, I saw this commercial for bras starring Jennifer Love Hewitt.



I don't really have anything to say about it. I just wanted to point out its existance.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Satirical Political Commentary...TO THE MAX!!!

For the past few weeks, this has been my Facebook photo:



I have given no explanation for this picture. Until now. You see, I may have a job and I may be heading down to Atlantic City to film a horror movie. But what do I do with the other 0.037% of my time. Well, I go to New Bunswick to rehearse America 20XX, an original comedic one-act appearing in this year's New York International Fringe Festival!


The play was written and is being directed by Cyriaque Lamar who currently writes damn funny articles for Cracked.com, a couple of which have been linked to all over the fucking place. Hell, you mit have even read one by now. More importantly, however, Cyriaque is a former member of Wacky Hijinks sketch comedy group at Rutgers. And, not being one to forget his roots, when his play got accepted to the festival, he casted it entirely with current and former Hijinks people (plus Matt Herron for the hell of it). I'm lucky enough to be one of those people and my profile picture is an outtake from our publicity photo session where we took bad ass pictures like this one:


You can see more pictures and lots of other cool stuff at the play's official website, America20xx.com.


At this point, your probably wondering what the plays about. Well, it's set in an apocalyptic future where the country's last super heroes, the Power Patriots, have to use horrible secrets from their past to destroy an evil mp3 player because a Clint Eastwood look-a-like told them to. Now, at this point, you're probably looking at me like I'm crazy and slowly backing towards the door. I don't blame you. However, trust me when I say it will all make sense when you see it. And if it doesn't, it will still be bad-ass awesome and damned funny!


The publicity materials describe the play as "star-spangled satre" and "extreme political science fiction!". I describe it as "a comedy so gay it took a bunch of straight people to produce it".


The pictures were taken a few weeks ago in my basement (it has the feel of some place war-torn) by Cyriaque's girlfriend, Annie. They needed to be in to Fringe in the next few days so we had to get something together soon. While we only had one costume finished (the eagle mask which has Cyriaque inside it and is basically the whole costume for Super Eagle, who Cyriaque describes as "the Chewbacca of the play") we had to just gather together whatever we could find from the CAP prop room. So, while Greg and I make up the other two members of the Power Patriots in the play, those costumes have nothing to do with our actual characters. Unfortunately, the other membrs of the cast couldn't make it, including the girlfriend, Sam, who was horribly sick and was curled up in a ball in my room upstairs. Sorry you missed out, sweetheart!


Anywho, we'll be performing in this summer's Fringe Festival in New York. We will be in one of the off-Broadway theaters involved (the first time I've ever been in a play produced somewhere not affiliated with a school of some kind!) for five performances in mid-August. We'll know the exact where's and when's on July 5th when Fringe releases the final schedule.


Keep posted, America!*



*"America" being the eight people who read this blog.