Sunday, July 13, 2008

Contemplating My Mortality (Yay!)

Is it part of the human condition that once you hit a certain age, no matter how young you actually are, you feel really old? Or is it just me?
The other day we were wandering the bars celebrating Dave's 21st and, as everyone shouted their "happy birthdays", I felt like saying,"Hooray, we're all gonna die soon". Granted I'd had a few at that point, but it is how I feel. I have absolutely no business being 21. I definitely shouldn't be about to graduate from college. However, if that's really how old I am, then who's to say I'm not going to drop off tomorrow? That's how it feels at least.
A lot of this thinking definitely comes from the fact that my body has already started giving up on me. I think I spent 20 years growing up only to skip over my physical peak and head straight into gradual deterioration. My complete lack of muscle mass and receding hairline stare at me every morning forcing me to admit the truth. Sure, I'm not a kid any more, but now I'm a fucking adult.

Tonight I went to a party in my hometown which is always the worst idea if you're having existential crises about your age. First person to talk to me was a girl I went to high school with.
"Hi, Jon," she said.
"Oh, hey, Katie," I replied.
She looked at me for a second. Then she took a sip of her beer and corrected me. "Katie's my older sister."

God, I'm old.

Mothers Little Helper - The Rolling Stones

5 Comments:

Sam said...

You're not old.
You're just grown up now.
It's just really freaky to realize that you're more or less fully in the "adult" stage of life. There's no more "when I grow up, I want to be ___." That's something that freaks the hell out of me.
I mean, you've been (we've all been) a kid/teenager your entire life so far; now those stages are over and you're a real person. It's scary.
Hell, I thought I was going to lose my mind when I was sitting at Kelly's high school graduation and suddenly realized that SHE'S going to college... and also that I had forgotten my old vice principals name in the span of only 2 years. (I mean, really!)
I want to say "don't let it get you down" but that would be a silly thing to say, since I know you'll be down about it no matter what (just remember that you can always mope to me about it). I get down about it too- everyone does, it's part of life. Just remember that you're 21. ONLY 21. If it really freaks you out, go talk to someone who is 27 or something about feeling old, they're sure to make you feel twelve again.

And as for skipping your "physical peak," that is bullshit.
You're a hell of a looker, Mr. Bershad. I promise I'm not just saying that because I love you (though I do). I'm saying it cause it's true.
If you don't believe me I will compile a friggin' survey of ladies (and I guess dudes, if you wanna go that route too...) who agree with me. It'll be easy, take like 5 minutes.
I just need a notebook, a pen, and a Polaroid.

Sam said...

Wow, that was WAY longer than I expected it to be (that's what SHE said!)...
Sorry!
<3

Unknown said...

The trick is to go to work with people older with you. I realized the other day that I have NO idea how old people are. Most of the people i work with are not 26 or 27, but 32 or 35 and they all still look like how young adults are supposed to look. I, on the other hand, still feel like/think I look like a child (with facial hair, mind you)

And if you're bummed about the hair thing, once this whole sorrow hill business is over, use the age old trick of buzzing it again. It hides it, but also makes you look badass. 2 POINTS!

Balls!

Jeff Kowalski said...

Jon, I've been dealing with the receding hairline and lack of musculature since I hit puberty. Man up.

Anonymous said...

My God Jon, I've dealt with the receding hairline for ages too. I agree with Jeff, you better man up =o).

But besides that, you shouldn't worry or think like that. Truly, it's your thoughts that age you and how you choose to look at life, not how much hair you have or otherwise.