Questionable Life Decisions: How I Came to Star in an American Tribal Love Rock Musical

Did I really write a full post about a stupid celebrity scandal the other day? Wow. Good to know that when I'm exhausted I develop the writing style of a bitchy gay man.

So, why am I so exhausted? Well, Hair, of course!

You see, there are times in a young man's life when he comes to question the life choices he made that led him to where he is. Sitting under a parachute naked with a bunch of other naked people wearing fake afros while you hope your genitals look good to the paying audience is one of those times.
The first thing naked me thinks about is the fact that I was never supposed to be in this play to begin with and that's because I was never going to audition.

I'm not really a big musical guy. And I don't mean that I'm one of those theater people that feels he's somehow above plays where people sing their feelings instead of discussing them. I love watching musicals. I think they're a lot of fun and I think that sometimes, if done right, a simple song can tell infinitely more about a character than a thousand perfectly phased soliloquies. I'm just not a big musical guy because I'm not very good at them. I've never really been able to sing and when it comes to dancing, I got my rhythm from the same side of the family that gave me my curly hair and frugal financial sense. And since I'm a fragile, fragile soul, I tend to stay away from things I'm not good at.
Except baseball. For some reason I played that for years.

Anyway, out of all the plays I'd done my first two years of college, not a one had been a musical. Then last semester, I decided to go out for Reefer Madness. Sure, I was worried, but I loved the play and a bunch of my friends were doing it so I decided what the hell. A few weeks into the rehearsal process I decided I was never going to do another musical as long as I lived.
Not that Reefer Madness was a horrible experience at all. I mean, aside from some offstage drama (one of those stories that doesn't belong on a public blog) I had a lot of fun. It just wasn't my thing.

So then, when people started asking me if I was auditioning for Hair, I practically laughed in their face. The question then is, what happened? Well, it's simple.

Pretty girls asked me.

The truth is, sometimes I'm a weak man. Sometimes I'm not, but on this occasion, all it took was a nice smile and I was sitting in the Cabaret lobby preparing to sing.

But don't think that I instantly went whole hog into this thing just because of a pair of tits. I mean, that is the reason I went into it, but I only went half hog. My whole audition was basically a joke. I answered all the questions on the audition sheet sarcastically and when I had to sing, I sang the only song I could think of. What song was that? "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas".

And I forgot half the lyrics.

This right here, is the point in the story where I need to get punished. I've said it before and I'll say it again; my life is basically a sitcom. And, in many ways, sitcoms are structured like all classical drama and that means that the hero needs to be punished for his hubris. I had auditioned jokingly for a play that really meant something to a lot of people and I had done so purely for the chicks. The Gods were just itching to fuck with me.

So what did they do? The worst thing possible. They got me cast as a lead. In a musical.

So now, here I am, and it's opening night, and in just a few hours I'm gonna be naked under that parachute. And you know what I'm gonna be thinking? I'm gonna be thinking that I couldn't be happier.

I may have made a mistake when I auditioned for this play for the wrong reasons, but now I really feel like I'm a part of something special. Sure, the production has been rocky at best both on-stage (to start, our original director was fired the first day) and off (you can read about that all here) and sure, if we had a couple more weeks the show could be better. But you know what? I really love the people I'm working with and I love what I'm doing and, dammit, I think I'm growing to love being a naked hippie under a parachute as well.