Poor, Poor Porn Star

For those of you who don't know, I live in a house with 11 other guys and, I'm sorry to say, it is a veritable den of inequity. I say this because I don't want you gentle readers to be too shocked when I tell you that we once had a house subscription to an online porn site. It's a painful admission but it's one I must make for you to enjoy this e-mail I'm about to post.
You see, we let our subscription lapse and apparently that made Naughty America really sad. They let their sense of betrayal known with this heartfelt message:

Samuel, I know you let your membership lapse recently, and, don't worry there's no hard feelings. But things will get hard if you renew. And I mean hard in a good way.

Audrey Bitoni, who is one of the most beautiful women to ever grace a Naughty America shoot, has just made a riviting scene for I Have A Wife. That's our newest site and features hot young hussies like Audrey attempting to get in the pants of married men (with great success, I might add).

She says she put in an extra special sexy surprise just for you, and was very sad when I told her you let the membership expire.

It wasn't a pretty sight (even though Audrey is very pretty -- and very hot), and she insisted I do whatever it takes to get you to re-up the membership pronto.

So help a brother out and sign up again to watch Audrey's scene. You'll get access to all the hot sites, including I Have A Wife, our new threesome site, 2 Chicks Same Time, and Naughty America Live, which gives fans the chance to ask probing questions
to actresses who are busy probing themselves.

It works out three ways: Audrey will be so happy you've returned, you'll get the joys that come with being a Naughty America member, and I avoid being slapped silly by a heartbroken celebrity.

Oh, that poor girl. We're still not going to resubscribe. Hopefully that doesn't mean that we can expect our in-boxes to soon be filled with sad porn star poetry.